What was once a smile,
now bile.
Aching teeth,
wrapped in a sheath.
I am a pawn to their
happiness
and proof of their status.
They are the expired medicine
to treat my loneliness.
I play the never ending game of war
between Greed and Happiness,
clinging on,
too weak to surrender
in fear of being
Alone.
But I am deceived by their
friendship,
and grieved in my discovery,
I lose trust in humanity
and live in Christianity.
God tells me that I’m sensitive and I’m wrong:
“You are blood relative to a drinking song.”
I swim in my drunken fears
in between frontiers
and search for a friend I knead.
Why I Wrote This Poem
This piece was written during the “Write to Discover” program. During the current pandemic, it is much more difficult to keep regular contact with my friends. I realized that in the past, I became friends with people who fabricated and manipulated our friendship only to gain a positive public image. In my poem then, I describe myself as a pawn to exemplify this fabrication and manipulation. The poem also serves as an eyeopener for readers who have lost or pushed away friends during the pandemic. The title “A Friend I Knead” is a play on the words “Need” and “Knead”. I use the word “Knead,” because I think that when I have high expectations from a friend, I “create” an ideal friend rather than adapting to their attitude.
