RelationshipsCreative

A Friend I Knead

What was once a smile,

now bile.

Aching teeth,

wrapped in a sheath.

I am a pawn to their

happiness

and proof of their status.

They are the expired medicine

to treat my loneliness.

I play the never ending game of war

between Greed and Happiness,

clinging on,

too weak to surrender

in fear of being

Alone.

But I am deceived by their

friendship,

and grieved in my discovery,

I lose trust in humanity

and live in Christianity.

God tells me that I’m sensitive and I’m wrong:

“You are blood relative to a drinking song.”

I swim in my drunken fears

in between frontiers

and search for a friend I knead.


Why I Wrote This Poem

This piece was written during the “Write to Discover” program. During the current pandemic, it is much more difficult to keep regular contact with my friends. I realized that in the past, I became friends with people who fabricated and manipulated our friendship only to gain a positive public image.  In my poem then, I describe myself as a pawn to exemplify this fabrication and manipulation. The poem also serves as an eyeopener for readers who have lost or pushed away friends during the pandemic. The title “A Friend I Knead” is a play on the words “Need” and “Knead”.  I use the word “Knead,” because I think that when I have high expectations from a friend,  I “create” an ideal friend rather than adapting to their attitude.

Author

A Friend I Knead