Environmental sustainability – in our modern age, we all know how important it is. As CO₂ emissions continue to rise, so will the sea levels that threaten to decimate coastal cities. Climate change, melting ice caps and the pollution of our waters are severe and urgent issues that threaten our planet. Tackling climate change is a global issue that can only be solved by coming together as a community, and I want you all to know that Corporation X is strongly dedicated to the cause of protecting our planet. We will stand alongside you in the fight against global warming and help to promote a better, greener future.
But first, here’s a quick word from our sponsor!
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The new Smartphone Z was developed with cutting-edge technology and a high-end processor that will not only leak toxic chemicals into the earth, but will also allow you, the user, to experience the digital world like never before! With its new, streamlined interface, you can now browse the internet with easy and convenient touch gestures. And don’t let its feather-light weight fool you — the Smartphone X is made with sturdy materials that can survive a fall from up to 50 feet, and won’t biodegrade even after a million years! Get your new Smartphone Z now, starting from $1699!
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Now, you may be asking yourselves, is it possible to produce sustainably? And to that, Corporation X says: definitely. Our factories, which produce 30 million tonnes of CO₂ every year, are now being streamlined and improved. Our products shall now be packaged with green labels to spread awareness about the importance of sustainability. Be sure to retweet our new logo design to help join in on the movement for environmental activism!
In addition, our plastic water bottles are now also being made with eco-friendly materials! The bottle may still be 90% plastic, but the caps are now made with enough biodegradable cardboard to allow us to label the product as sustainable. Be sure to buy it now for the limited-edition green-sticker bottles, so that everyone around you will know that you, along with Corporation X, are firmly dedicated to supporting the green movement.
Finally, as the billionaire CEO of Corporation X, I will also personally be donating $1.2 million dollars to the Greenpeace Fund to promote sustainable development (and definitely not as a tax write-off). It is imperative that we all do our part in protecting the environment, and Corporation X will continue to fight for a greener, more sustainable world.
